1
00:00:04,251 --> 00:00:07,778
Herman, has Eddie
come home from school yet?

2
00:00:08,855 --> 00:00:12,484
Uh, I don't know, Lily.
I just got home myself.

3
00:00:12,559 --> 00:00:17,428
I had to stay a little late at the parlor
and lay out some things for the boss.

4
00:00:17,497 --> 00:00:20,955
Well, I'm about to fix supper,
and I want to ask him about dessert.

5
00:00:21,034 --> 00:00:23,332
So, let me know
when Eddie comes in.

6
00:00:24,504 --> 00:00:28,770
- Hmm?
- I said, will you let me know
when Eddie comes home?

7
00:00:28,842 --> 00:00:30,833
Oh. Yes, dear.

8
00:00:34,948 --> 00:00:36,973
[Door Opens]

9
00:00:37,050 --> 00:00:39,075
I'll never go again!

10
00:00:39,152 --> 00:00:41,643
Never, never, never!

11
00:00:42,789 --> 00:00:45,758
You can do anything
you want to me!
I'll never go back!

12
00:00:45,826 --> 00:00:48,260
Not in my whole life.!

13
00:00:53,100 --> 00:00:56,797
I don't care what you do to me.
I won't go back even if I die.

14
00:00:56,870 --> 00:00:59,771
Never, never, never, never!

15
00:01:01,141 --> 00:01:03,701
I'm through with school.
Never again!

16
00:01:03,777 --> 00:01:07,372
I wouldn't go back
if I died a hundred-million
thousand times.!

17
00:01:07,447 --> 00:01:09,381
[Door Closes]

18
00:01:11,385 --> 00:01:13,376
Lily.

19
00:01:15,088 --> 00:01:18,023
Oh, Lily.
Yes, dear?

20
00:01:18,091 --> 00:01:20,525
I think Eddie's home from school.

21
00:02:26,893 --> 00:02:31,728
But, Herman, if Eddie said all those things
about being through with school,
there must be a reason.

22
00:02:31,798 --> 00:02:35,632
Didn't you even ask him?
Well, maybe they just
sent him home.

23
00:02:35,702 --> 00:02:37,431
Kids are always playing pranks.

24
00:02:37,504 --> 00:02:39,301
I remember when I went to school.

25
00:02:39,372 --> 00:02:43,172
Some of the kids used to put
the girls' pigtails in the inkwells.

26
00:02:43,243 --> 00:02:45,473
Of course, I put the girls
in the inkwells.

27
00:02:45,545 --> 00:02:47,445
Grandpa, please.

28
00:02:49,049 --> 00:02:52,507
Did you ask him why he was
so definite about quitting school?

29
00:02:52,586 --> 00:02:54,577
Well, no.

30
00:02:56,223 --> 00:03:00,592
With Little Orphan Annie
in such a mess, I guess
I just didn't get around to it.

31
00:03:03,029 --> 00:03:06,021
Well, it's hard to concentrate
on two things at once, you know.

32
00:03:06,099 --> 00:03:08,499
Oh, Herman, you make me so angry.

33
00:03:08,568 --> 00:03:11,503
Now, I want you
to go upstairs right now...

34
00:03:11,571 --> 00:03:14,870
and have a father-and-son talk
with Eddie.

35
00:03:14,941 --> 00:03:16,932
All right, dear.

36
00:03:17,010 --> 00:03:19,308
All right.

37
00:03:19,379 --> 00:03:22,746
But wouldn't it be better
if Eddie came down here,

38
00:03:22,816 --> 00:03:26,377
so I could sort of
lean on the mantel
while we talk man-to-man?

39
00:03:26,453 --> 00:03:29,581
- Why in the world would you
want to do that?
- Oh, I don't know.

40
00:03:29,656 --> 00:03:33,183
I just always thought
Robert Young had great success
leaning on the mantel.

41
00:03:33,260 --> 00:03:35,956
[Chuckles]

42
00:03:36,029 --> 00:03:37,963
Oh. Oh.

43
00:03:38,031 --> 00:03:41,091
Herman, will you get upstairs!

44
00:03:41,167 --> 00:03:43,192
Yes, dear.

45
00:03:48,275 --> 00:03:50,266
Eddie. Uh...

46
00:03:55,515 --> 00:03:59,349
Hello in there.
Uh, it's me.

47
00:03:59,419 --> 00:04:01,751
Um, your father.

48
00:04:02,822 --> 00:04:04,847
Herman Munster.

49
00:04:06,192 --> 00:04:08,183
[Footsteps Approaching]

50
00:04:12,999 --> 00:04:15,729
Uh... Uh, may I come in?

51
00:04:15,802 --> 00:04:17,861
Sure, Pop.

52
00:04:27,847 --> 00:04:31,374
[Clears Throat]
Uh, Eddie,

53
00:04:31,451 --> 00:04:34,249
I came up here
to have a little talk with you.

54
00:04:34,321 --> 00:04:37,950
Uh, man-to-man.

55
00:04:38,024 --> 00:04:40,049
Mom made ya, huh?

56
00:04:40,126 --> 00:04:42,117
No, I wouldn't say
your mother made me.

57
00:04:42,195 --> 00:04:47,462
Uh, naturally, I'm curious to know
why you said all those things
about quitting school.

58
00:04:47,534 --> 00:04:50,662
Well, then, how come
you didn't say anything
when I came home?

59
00:04:50,737 --> 00:04:53,365
All you did was sit there
and read your old newspaper.

60
00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:56,568
Eddie, your father's a very busy man,

61
00:04:56,643 --> 00:04:58,907
and you must realize
that when I come home,

62
00:04:58,979 --> 00:05:01,072
I have lots of business problems
on my mind.

63
00:05:01,147 --> 00:05:03,707
The solution to which
often depends...

64
00:05:03,783 --> 00:05:08,811
on a thorough and concentrated perusal
of world events in the newspaper.

65
00:05:08,888 --> 00:05:12,984
Boy, that Little Orphan Annie
must be in a real jam.

66
00:05:13,059 --> 00:05:17,223
Oh, she is. But, you know,
I think Daddy Warbucks is... Eddie.

67
00:05:17,297 --> 00:05:19,629
That is not the point.

68
00:05:20,634 --> 00:05:25,162
The point is I came up here
to find out why you've suddenly
turned against school.

69
00:05:25,238 --> 00:05:28,969
It's just that I can't go back there
ever again on account of
what happened today.

70
00:05:29,042 --> 00:05:32,569
Eddie, whatever the problem is,
you can tell old Dad.

71
00:05:32,646 --> 00:05:36,946
Well, today at recess
the kids made up a nickname for me.

72
00:05:37,017 --> 00:05:40,612
- And they called me by it.
- They called you a nickname?

73
00:05:40,687 --> 00:05:45,317
Hmm. What in the world
could anyone think of
to call you?

74
00:05:45,392 --> 00:05:51,331
Oh, it was awful, Dad.
Wherever I went, some kid popped up
and called me... Oh.

75
00:05:51,398 --> 00:05:53,889
- Called you what?
- I can't say it.

76
00:05:53,967 --> 00:05:56,800
It's too awful to repeat...
even to my own father.

77
00:05:56,870 --> 00:06:01,432
Eddie, as your father,
I demand to be told.

78
00:06:02,509 --> 00:06:06,036
- What's the nickname?
- It's... It's Shorty.

79
00:06:08,748 --> 00:06:10,682
Shorty?
Yeah.

80
00:06:10,750 --> 00:06:12,718
And they made it up
for no good reason,

81
00:06:12,786 --> 00:06:15,983
except I'm the shortest boy
in my class.

82
00:06:16,056 --> 00:06:19,025
I see. Eddie,

83
00:06:20,026 --> 00:06:22,324
do you know what
a very wise man once said?

84
00:06:22,395 --> 00:06:25,193
What?
He said,

85
00:06:25,265 --> 00:06:29,668
"Sticks and stones
can break my bones,
but names can never hurt me."

86
00:06:29,736 --> 00:06:32,034
That's because nobody
ever called him Shorty.

87
00:06:32,105 --> 00:06:37,543
Why do I have to be short?
Why can't I be big and tall like my hero?
Eddie,

88
00:06:37,610 --> 00:06:41,478
I don't know who this hero is
that you're talking about, but, uh,

89
00:06:41,548 --> 00:06:44,540
take it from me,
he's probably not worth
looking up to at all.

90
00:06:44,617 --> 00:06:46,847
[Chuckles]
Lots of so-called heroes...

91
00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:50,856
are just conceited,
vain, good-for-nothings...
as a rule.

92
00:06:50,924 --> 00:06:52,687
But, Dad,

93
00:06:52,759 --> 00:06:55,489
the hero I'm talking about is you.

94
00:06:57,831 --> 00:06:59,924
Oh.

95
00:06:59,999 --> 00:07:03,730
Well, Eddie,
there are exceptions
to every rule, aren't there?

96
00:07:07,807 --> 00:07:09,798
[Chortles]

97
00:07:17,484 --> 00:07:19,543
[Lily]
Please, darling, eat.

98
00:07:19,619 --> 00:07:22,179
I'm eating.
I'm eating.

99
00:07:22,255 --> 00:07:25,019
- I'm talking to Eddie.
- Oh.

100
00:07:25,091 --> 00:07:27,389
- Herman.
- Yes, dear?

101
00:07:28,461 --> 00:07:30,452
I know you've had
a talk with Eddie,

102
00:07:30,530 --> 00:07:35,024
but I don't think
we should allow our child
to be tormented in school any longer.

103
00:07:35,101 --> 00:07:38,628
I feel that we should complain to
the teacher, the principal...

104
00:07:38,705 --> 00:07:40,969
and, if necessary,
to the Board of Education.

105
00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:43,440
Why go through
all this red tape...

106
00:07:43,510 --> 00:07:47,310
when I can solve this problem
with a plain, old-fashioned spelling bee?

107
00:07:47,380 --> 00:07:50,247
What's a "plain, old-fashioned"
spelling bee?

108
00:07:50,316 --> 00:07:52,648
Well, you see,

109
00:07:52,719 --> 00:07:57,349
I invite all the little boys and girls
who call Eddie "Shorty"
to a free party,

110
00:07:57,423 --> 00:08:02,053
and then, when they get here,
I cast a spell over them
and turn them into kangaroos.

111
00:08:02,128 --> 00:08:04,926
Gee, that sounds great, Grandpa!
Will you do it?

112
00:08:04,998 --> 00:08:07,967
No. Grandpa will do
no such thing.

113
00:08:08,034 --> 00:08:13,301
That's right, Grandpa. I'm sure
if there's one thing Eddie doesn't need
it's your broken-down magic.

114
00:08:13,373 --> 00:08:14,965
Ha!
Gee, Dad,

115
00:08:15,041 --> 00:08:17,532
how am I gonna face
the other kids in school tomorrow?

116
00:08:17,610 --> 00:08:19,578
They're still gonna call me Shorty.

117
00:08:19,646 --> 00:08:23,309
Eddie, I'm sure it's strictly
a psychological problem.

118
00:08:23,383 --> 00:08:28,844
And I'm sure that you can overcome it
with the proper psychological attitude.

119
00:08:28,922 --> 00:08:32,824
In other words,
plant both feet
firmly on the ground...

120
00:08:32,892 --> 00:08:34,951
and keep your chin up.

121
00:08:35,028 --> 00:08:37,360
I'll try, Pop.

122
00:08:39,599 --> 00:08:42,864
[Grandpa]
It's okay to have your feet
firmly planted on the ground, Eddie,

123
00:08:42,936 --> 00:08:46,633
but if you keep your chin up that high,
you're a sucker for a left hook.

124
00:08:46,706 --> 00:08:49,539
Oh, sorry, Grandpa.
Shh. Not so loud.

125
00:08:49,609 --> 00:08:53,340
I don't want your father to hear
that I'm teaching you
about boxing. Ooh.

126
00:08:53,413 --> 00:08:57,281
That man is so opposed to violence,
if he found out, he'd kill me.

127
00:08:57,350 --> 00:08:59,784
Okay. How's this, Grandpa?
That's pretty good.

128
00:08:59,853 --> 00:09:03,084
Now, keep your hands up high
and your weight evenly balanced.

129
00:09:03,156 --> 00:09:05,147
Now should I try to hit you?

130
00:09:05,225 --> 00:09:08,388
Oh, not yet. I have to
work out a plan of strategy for you.

131
00:09:08,461 --> 00:09:11,862
Now, we'll pretend
that I'm one of your classmates...

132
00:09:11,931 --> 00:09:14,491
and we're standing
in a school yard waiting to fight...

133
00:09:14,567 --> 00:09:16,558
because I called you Shorty.

134
00:09:16,636 --> 00:09:21,630
And just as we're ready to go,
you point behind me and say,
"Hold it. A teacher is coming."

135
00:09:21,708 --> 00:09:25,337
See? And then as I turn to look...
[Whistles]
Left and right in the stomach.

136
00:09:25,411 --> 00:09:28,005
Got that? Okay.
Now, let's get set.

137
00:09:33,286 --> 00:09:36,016
Hold it.
A teacher's comin'.
Where?

138
00:09:36,923 --> 00:09:38,891
[Groans]

139
00:09:38,958 --> 00:09:41,051
Hey, that works great, Grandpa.

140
00:09:41,127 --> 00:09:44,255
- You're telling me.
- But isn't that fighting dirty?

141
00:09:44,330 --> 00:09:46,093
Only if you use it
against girls.

142
00:09:46,165 --> 00:09:48,725
Try it again, okay?
Now get set.

143
00:09:53,039 --> 00:09:54,973
Hold it.
My father's comin'.

144
00:09:55,041 --> 00:09:57,908
Not "my father."
"A teacher is coming."

145
00:09:57,977 --> 00:10:00,673
Want to bet?

146
00:10:00,747 --> 00:10:04,774
Oh. Hiya, Herman.
What's new?

147
00:10:04,851 --> 00:10:10,517
Grandpa, I want you and Eddie
to take off those boxing gloves
right now.

148
00:10:10,590 --> 00:10:13,286
Oh.
[Chuckles]
Are these boxing gloves?

149
00:10:13,359 --> 00:10:16,920
Yes, they are.
Eddie, you know we're wearing
boxing gloves?

150
00:10:16,996 --> 00:10:20,625
L... I wonder where
they came from.
Yeah. Me too.

151
00:10:20,700 --> 00:10:23,601
Grandpa, get 'em off.

152
00:10:25,271 --> 00:10:27,762
I am really disappointed in you.

153
00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:33,506
Imagine. A grandfather
training his own grandson
in brutality.

154
00:10:33,579 --> 00:10:37,106
But we didn't even get to brutality.
I was just starting...
Grandpa,

155
00:10:37,183 --> 00:10:41,415
I said no violence,
and I mean no violence.

156
00:10:46,426 --> 00:10:48,417
Hmm.

157
00:10:51,698 --> 00:10:53,723
You know, Eddie,
I love him,

158
00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:57,031
but there are times
I'd like to bite him
right in the throat.

159
00:10:58,638 --> 00:11:01,266
Good night, Grandpa.
You're going to bed?

160
00:11:01,341 --> 00:11:06,540
I have to get plenty of rest so I'll have
enough energy to cry all day tomorrow
when the kids call me Shorty.

161
00:11:06,612 --> 00:11:08,773
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute. Come back.

162
00:11:08,848 --> 00:11:12,249
[Chuckles]
You won't have to cry
all day tomorrow.

163
00:11:12,318 --> 00:11:16,277
As a matter of fact,
you'll never have to cry again
because somebody calls you Shorty.

164
00:11:16,356 --> 00:11:18,290
Why not?
Why not?
[Laughs]

165
00:11:18,358 --> 00:11:24,126
Because your adoring grandpa
is gonna give you a magic potion that
will make you grow six inches overnight.

166
00:11:24,197 --> 00:11:26,358
Six inches?
Maybe seven.

167
00:11:26,432 --> 00:11:28,297
Did you ever use it before?

168
00:11:28,368 --> 00:11:33,431
Did I ever try it before?
I once gave it to a pirate
friend of mine who was only five feet tall.

169
00:11:33,506 --> 00:11:37,306
- Did it work?
- "Did it work"? Didn't you ever
hear of Long John Silver?

170
00:11:37,377 --> 00:11:41,245
It's what is known in the trade
as a magic milk shake.

171
00:11:45,418 --> 00:11:49,013
Six inches? Overnight?
Yeah. Six inches.

172
00:11:49,088 --> 00:11:52,455
And when you wake up
tomorrow morning,
you look in the mirror,

173
00:11:52,525 --> 00:11:55,460
you'll see the tallest boy
in the class.

174
00:11:55,528 --> 00:11:57,519
Bottoms up.

175
00:12:01,467 --> 00:12:06,404
Good, good.
Now, nighty-night
and sleep tight.

176
00:12:28,361 --> 00:12:32,195
[Herman]
Lily, today is a school day.
The child belongs in school.

177
00:12:32,265 --> 00:12:34,256
[Lily]
With a beard?

178
00:12:35,735 --> 00:12:39,000
Oh, Uncle Herman,
you can't expect Eddie
to go to school...

179
00:12:39,072 --> 00:12:42,041
when he looks so different
from all the other kids.

180
00:12:42,108 --> 00:12:44,633
Eddie...
Herman, Herman.
Speak gently.

181
00:12:44,710 --> 00:12:47,178
He's in a state of shock.

182
00:12:52,819 --> 00:12:54,116
Eddie,

183
00:12:54,187 --> 00:12:56,747
uh, come upstairs.

184
00:12:56,823 --> 00:12:58,620
I'll give you a quick shave.

185
00:13:00,093 --> 00:13:02,084
It won't help.

186
00:13:03,629 --> 00:13:07,429
That's funny.
I thought I heard a noise.

187
00:13:07,500 --> 00:13:10,060
It was me.
I said it won't help.

188
00:13:10,136 --> 00:13:12,502
I heard it again.

189
00:13:12,572 --> 00:13:15,370
I think it's coming from
that chair.

190
00:13:15,441 --> 00:13:17,432
Hmm.

191
00:13:19,745 --> 00:13:22,305
I can't understand it.
Nobody's sitting here.

192
00:13:22,381 --> 00:13:26,875
Oh, come on, Herman.
Knock it off. Will you stop
with the silent treatment?

193
00:13:26,953 --> 00:13:28,887
Why won't a shave help?

194
00:13:28,955 --> 00:13:31,116
Well, at the rate
Eddie grows whiskers,

195
00:13:31,190 --> 00:13:33,715
he'll have five-o'clock shadow
by 9:00 a.m.

196
00:13:33,793 --> 00:13:37,661
And whose fault is that?
He spoke to me!
He spoke to me! He did!

197
00:13:37,730 --> 00:13:40,255
[Laughs]
My daughter's husband
spoke to me. See?

198
00:13:40,333 --> 00:13:42,494
I want you two
to stop fighting.

199
00:13:42,568 --> 00:13:45,366
Now... Now you make up
and bury the shovel.

200
00:13:45,438 --> 00:13:47,429
I said I was sorry, didn't I?

201
00:13:47,507 --> 00:13:52,103
Oh, Grandpa,
sometimes saying "I'm sorry"
just isn't enough.

202
00:13:52,178 --> 00:13:54,510
Amen.

203
00:13:54,580 --> 00:13:56,514
Some magic milk shake.

204
00:13:56,582 --> 00:13:59,608
Well, how was I to know
I had inferior ingredients?

205
00:13:59,685 --> 00:14:02,085
Now he's blaming it
on the ingredients.

206
00:14:02,155 --> 00:14:04,521
That's right.
It must have been the he-frog.

207
00:14:04,590 --> 00:14:09,254
The what?
The he-frog,
as distinguished from the she-frog.

208
00:14:09,328 --> 00:14:12,764
You see, the recipe called for
the powdered shinbone of a he-frog.

209
00:14:12,832 --> 00:14:15,767
Only they just don't make 'em
the way they used to.

210
00:14:15,835 --> 00:14:18,463
I should have saved that one
from the 15th century.

211
00:14:18,538 --> 00:14:22,440
Boy, those he-frogs
from the 15th century,
they were terrific.

212
00:14:22,508 --> 00:14:24,533
I remember once
I said to Queen Isabella...

213
00:14:24,610 --> 00:14:27,135
- Eddie, don't scratch it.
- But it itches.

214
00:14:27,213 --> 00:14:29,875
I think there's a hunk of bacon
in there from breakfast.

215
00:14:29,949 --> 00:14:32,884
I don't care.
Don't scratch it.

216
00:14:32,952 --> 00:14:36,285
Mommy will run
the vacuum cleaner through it later.

217
00:14:36,355 --> 00:14:39,552
Herman, Eddie should
see a doctor immediately.

218
00:14:39,625 --> 00:14:41,923
Uh, I agree.

219
00:14:41,994 --> 00:14:45,293
Why don't you take him down
to see our family doctor...
Dr. Dudley.

220
00:14:45,364 --> 00:14:48,094
No. No.
I think you should take him.

221
00:14:48,167 --> 00:14:52,729
After all, you are the boy's father,
and it's a very serious problem.

222
00:14:52,805 --> 00:14:54,739
I still wish you'd take him.

223
00:14:54,807 --> 00:14:56,172
Why?

224
00:14:57,243 --> 00:15:02,510
Because if I walk down the street
with a boy wearing a beard,
everybody's gonna stare at me. That's why.

225
00:15:02,582 --> 00:15:04,777
Oh, nonsense.

226
00:15:04,850 --> 00:15:07,751
The least you could do
would be to phone the parlor,

227
00:15:07,820 --> 00:15:10,687
ask for the morning off
to take your son to the doctor.

228
00:15:10,756 --> 00:15:12,690
[Chuckles]
That's true, Herman.

229
00:15:12,758 --> 00:15:16,023
And I have a clever idea
how to disguise Eddie...

230
00:15:16,095 --> 00:15:18,928
so you won't be embarrassed
when you walk down the street.

231
00:15:18,998 --> 00:15:22,195
Oh, Grandpa, don't try
any more of your magic on him.

232
00:15:22,268 --> 00:15:25,237
No, Grandpa.
Don't you try turning him
into anything.

233
00:15:25,304 --> 00:15:29,104
I have no intention
of hopping across town
with a bearded kangaroo.

234
00:15:29,175 --> 00:15:31,643
Don't you worry, Herman.

235
00:15:31,711 --> 00:15:33,702
Eddie, come with me.

236
00:15:35,848 --> 00:15:37,873
Eddie, you know who
you look like?

237
00:15:37,950 --> 00:15:39,941
Who?
Mitch Miller.

238
00:15:40,019 --> 00:15:42,647
[Wails]
I'm sorry, Eddie. I'm sorry.

239
00:15:42,722 --> 00:15:45,213
I was only kidding.
Come on. I'm sorry.

240
00:15:54,133 --> 00:15:58,160
Oh. All right, Miss Fairchild,
next patient.

241
00:15:59,171 --> 00:16:01,571
Are you emotionally prepared?

242
00:16:01,641 --> 00:16:03,700
E-Emotionally prepared for what?

243
00:16:03,776 --> 00:16:05,403
Mr. Herman Munster.

244
00:16:05,478 --> 00:16:07,469
Oh, no.

245
00:16:09,048 --> 00:16:12,313
I'll never forget the last house call
I made there.

246
00:16:12,385 --> 00:16:15,411
I was writing out an order
for an autopsy...

247
00:16:15,488 --> 00:16:19,822
when Mr. Munster
double-crossed me
and sat up in bed.

248
00:16:19,892 --> 00:16:22,656
Well, today we have
Mr. Herman Munster and son.

249
00:16:22,728 --> 00:16:24,889
And son?

250
00:16:24,964 --> 00:16:28,092
Mr. Munster had the guts
to become a father?

251
00:16:28,167 --> 00:16:30,158
Apparently.

252
00:16:30,236 --> 00:16:33,296
Do they, uh, look alike?

253
00:16:33,372 --> 00:16:36,466
No. The little boy
is much shorter.

254
00:16:36,542 --> 00:16:40,308
That's not what I meant.
Do they look alike in...

255
00:16:40,379 --> 00:16:43,371
well, for lack of a better word,
the face?

256
00:16:43,449 --> 00:16:46,441
Why don't you peek
in the waiting room
and see for yourself?

257
00:16:46,519 --> 00:16:48,510
All righty. I will.

258
00:17:05,137 --> 00:17:07,128
Oh, no.

259
00:17:07,206 --> 00:17:09,766
Mr. Munster's face is bad enough.

260
00:17:09,842 --> 00:17:14,336
Imagine what his son's
must look like if he has to
cover it with a paper bag.

261
00:17:15,548 --> 00:17:17,539
Shall I show them in now?

262
00:17:17,616 --> 00:17:21,245
Yes, but you better have
Miss Hansen stand by
with an anesthetic.

263
00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:24,448
For the patient?
No. For me.

264
00:17:44,243 --> 00:17:46,336
Oh, uh...

265
00:17:46,412 --> 00:17:48,812
Uh, good day, Dr. Dudley.

266
00:17:48,881 --> 00:17:50,906
Good day, Mr. Munster.

267
00:17:50,983 --> 00:17:53,315
And what, uh...
[Chuckles]

268
00:17:53,386 --> 00:17:56,184
I mean, uh,
who have we here?

269
00:17:56,255 --> 00:17:58,246
Uh, this is my son, Dr. Dudley.

270
00:17:58,324 --> 00:18:02,658
[Chuckles]
And, uh, what's your name,
little man?

271
00:18:02,728 --> 00:18:04,992
[Muffled]
Edward Wolfgang Munster.

272
00:18:05,064 --> 00:18:07,931
[Chuckles]
Pardon me, I didn't quite get it.

273
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,696
Uh, Edward Wolfgang Munster.

274
00:18:10,770 --> 00:18:14,399
Oh. Uh, will you, uh,
please both be seated?

275
00:18:14,473 --> 00:18:16,464
Oh, thank you.

276
00:18:25,651 --> 00:18:28,313
[Sighs]
Okay, Eddie.

277
00:18:28,387 --> 00:18:31,049
We're gonna let the doctor
see your face.

278
00:18:41,367 --> 00:18:44,894
How old is little
Eddie Wolfgang again,
Mr. Munster?

279
00:18:44,970 --> 00:18:48,064
He's 10.
Ten.

280
00:18:48,140 --> 00:18:50,131
Excuse me just a minute.

281
00:19:01,954 --> 00:19:05,014
All righty.
Shall we have a go at it again?

282
00:19:10,196 --> 00:19:12,892
Oh, my goodness.

283
00:19:14,967 --> 00:19:16,958
Has he had it since birth?

284
00:19:18,370 --> 00:19:21,703
Uh, the head?
Oh. Oh, yes. That's the original.

285
00:19:21,774 --> 00:19:23,799
The beard.

286
00:19:23,876 --> 00:19:26,811
Oh. Uh, only since this morning.

287
00:19:26,879 --> 00:19:31,179
His grandfather gave him
a frog-leg cocktail yesterday...

288
00:19:31,250 --> 00:19:33,241
to make him grow,

289
00:19:33,319 --> 00:19:35,549
but it just grew a beard.

290
00:19:37,389 --> 00:19:39,380
Excuse me just a minute.

291
00:20:01,647 --> 00:20:04,081
You want a snap diagnosis?

292
00:20:04,149 --> 00:20:06,583
Will a snap cure go with it?
Yes.

293
00:20:06,652 --> 00:20:10,247
- Shoot.
- Edward Wolfgang's beard...

294
00:20:11,290 --> 00:20:15,056
is the result of a certain
metabolic imbalance,

295
00:20:15,127 --> 00:20:18,119
induced by what appear to be...

296
00:20:18,197 --> 00:20:22,600
metaphysical or esoteric stimuli...

297
00:20:23,736 --> 00:20:26,864
unknown to present-day medicine.

298
00:20:27,940 --> 00:20:30,101
I see.
And the cure?

299
00:20:30,175 --> 00:20:32,473
Lay in a big supply...

300
00:20:32,545 --> 00:20:34,536
of paper bags.

301
00:20:39,118 --> 00:20:42,815
Eddie, don't get your beard
in your soup.

302
00:20:44,189 --> 00:20:46,987
- Uncle Herman.
- What?

303
00:20:47,059 --> 00:20:50,426
- Didn't Dr. Dudley
say anything constructive?
- No.

304
00:20:51,697 --> 00:20:54,461
When I rejected
the paper bag theory,

305
00:20:54,533 --> 00:20:58,833
he suggested
that Eddie get used to
a new nickname... Fuzzy.

306
00:20:59,972 --> 00:21:01,963
That's even worse than Shorty.

307
00:21:02,041 --> 00:21:04,236
We all know
who we have to thank for that.

308
00:21:04,310 --> 00:21:08,337
For your information, Herman,
I'm gonna make it up to him.

309
00:21:08,414 --> 00:21:10,974
- How?
- I'm gonna make him my partner.

310
00:21:11,050 --> 00:21:14,781
- A partner in what?
- Well, you remember that potion
that Eddie drank?

311
00:21:14,853 --> 00:21:17,583
How could we forget it?
I'm gonna mass-produce it...

312
00:21:17,656 --> 00:21:21,717
and sell it at three dollars a bottle
as a sure cure for baldness.

313
00:21:23,162 --> 00:21:26,029
Eddie, Eddie, sit up straight.

314
00:21:26,098 --> 00:21:28,965
I'll make a fortune,
and I'll split with him 60-40.

315
00:21:29,034 --> 00:21:30,934
What's the matter with 50-50?

316
00:21:31,003 --> 00:21:34,700
You want me to split 50-50
with a 10-year-old kid?

317
00:21:34,773 --> 00:21:38,641
- Grandpa, I don't want you
to do anything. Just...
- Eddie, be careful.

318
00:21:42,781 --> 00:21:44,976
Look!

319
00:21:45,751 --> 00:21:49,881
- What happened?
- Well, the soup's disintegrated
Eddie's beard.

320
00:21:49,955 --> 00:21:53,152
She's right.
Dunk it again.

321
00:21:53,225 --> 00:21:56,490
No. No.
Don't move.

322
00:22:08,641 --> 00:22:11,633
Look.! The... The beard's gone.

323
00:22:11,710 --> 00:22:13,701
[Sighs]
Thank goodness.

324
00:22:13,779 --> 00:22:17,909
I wouldn't want to
go through life with a son
who looked like General Grant.

325
00:22:17,983 --> 00:22:20,884
There goes my surefire cure
for baldness.

326
00:22:20,953 --> 00:22:24,081
- Is it really gone?
- Look in the mirror and see.

327
00:22:27,359 --> 00:22:29,293
Yippee!
[Laughs]

328
00:22:29,361 --> 00:22:34,697
Well, I don't know
how this reflects on my cooking,
but... my child comes first.

329
00:22:34,767 --> 00:22:37,600
[Herman]
Uh... Uh, Lily, Eddie.

330
00:22:37,670 --> 00:22:39,865
Please, sit down.

331
00:22:40,939 --> 00:22:43,772
- Eddie.
- Yes, sir.

332
00:22:43,842 --> 00:22:46,037
Now that your problem is solved,

333
00:22:46,111 --> 00:22:48,102
have you learned a lesson?

334
00:22:48,180 --> 00:22:50,671
- I think so.
- What?

335
00:22:50,749 --> 00:22:53,775
I'll never tell Mom I don't like
her homemade soup again.

336
00:22:55,120 --> 00:22:57,782
- That's not what I had in mind.
- It isn't?

337
00:22:57,856 --> 00:23:02,225
The lesson I want you to learn
is it doesn't matter what you look like.

338
00:23:02,294 --> 00:23:05,263
You can be tall or short...

339
00:23:05,330 --> 00:23:08,493
or fat or thin or ugly...

340
00:23:08,567 --> 00:23:11,536
or handsome,
like your father,

341
00:23:11,603 --> 00:23:14,834
or you can be black
or yellow or white...

342
00:23:14,907 --> 00:23:16,898
it doesn't matter.

343
00:23:16,975 --> 00:23:20,206
What does matter
is the size of your heart...

344
00:23:20,279 --> 00:23:22,270
and the strength
of your character.

345
00:23:23,782 --> 00:23:26,876
Eddie, do you understand
what your father means?

346
00:23:26,952 --> 00:23:29,750
- Mmm.
- Well, now, Eddie,

347
00:23:29,822 --> 00:23:33,087
now that you've solved
one of the little problems
of growing up,

348
00:23:33,158 --> 00:23:35,149
let's get on with our meal.

349
00:23:47,306 --> 00:23:50,605
Herman, you know something?

350
00:23:50,676 --> 00:23:52,667
What, Grandpa?
You're all right.

351
00:23:54,012 --> 00:23:57,106
You aren't perfect,
but you're all right.

352
00:23:58,117 --> 00:24:00,108
Thank you.

353
00:24:09,361 --> 00:24:11,829
Hello, Lily, dear.
Hello, Herman, dear.

354
00:24:11,897 --> 00:24:15,526
Herman, you've gotta
talk to Eddie.
Yes, he's up in his room crying.

355
00:24:15,601 --> 00:24:17,398
What happened today?

356
00:24:18,470 --> 00:24:22,600
Well, he was playing baseball
with some other boys
in the neighborhood,

357
00:24:22,674 --> 00:24:26,440
and he struck out
with two out and the bases loaded.

358
00:24:26,512 --> 00:24:29,106
Poor kid.
He must feel awful.

359
00:24:29,181 --> 00:24:31,172
Um, I'll go upstairs and talk to him.

360
00:24:31,250 --> 00:24:35,778
Herman, Lily,
I've got an idea
that can solve this whole problem.

361
00:24:35,854 --> 00:24:38,414
What? What?
If I could get ahold of a bat...

362
00:24:38,490 --> 00:24:41,288
a baseball bat once used
by Stan "The Man" Musial...

363
00:24:41,360 --> 00:24:46,423
I could take it down into the lab,
crush it into a fine powder,
so he would be able to digest it.

364
00:24:46,498 --> 00:24:48,489
I remember once saying to...